


where there is hope, there is always hardship

by beautifullytrxgic



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi-centric, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27558916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullytrxgic/pseuds/beautifullytrxgic
Summary: when life knocks you down, you have to stand back up. but it isn't always easy.
Kudos: 12





	where there is hope, there is always hardship

**Author's Note:**

> hello :D
> 
> so this is my first work here in ao3 and also my first fic in this fandom. it's pretty much just me venting through writing. but yeah, i hope it's not too bad. 
> 
> (title is from bts' sea) 
> 
> TW // suicidal thoughts , self-harm

soonyoung likes to believe that the world is beautiful. that somewhere out there, past all those toxicity and negativity lies a beautiful oasis. but life is a deadly game, a wall that's blocking our way of reaching that paradise. and you can't get through life without any scars. determination and willpower is basically what we need to get past through that. but sometimes everything just becomes a little too much. and understandably so, because we're humans after all, there's nothing wrong with stumbling every now and then. 

as long as we stand back up, right? 

soonyoung found that it really isn't as simple as it sounds. 

he realizes there are problems in other people's lives that takes control over them, treating them like a puppet. and it can be quite difficult to escape from its grasp. 

and soonyoung knows that life is worth it to look forward to once you finally get past the pain. he knows that. 

but death is just too tempting, too alluring to ignore. it's almost like a spell has been casted upon you, manipulating you and leading you right into its trap. the moment suicide comes up in your head, it's hard to escape from it. 

as much as he tries to think about the future, and about what good things it might bring him, it's like he's glued onto the present. it feels like time is going by so slowly and with each tick of the clock, it's almost as if bits and bits of soonyoung's sanity are crumbling away from his grasp. 

think rationally. he tells myself firmly. but how? how can he possibly think happy thoughts when everything that's floating in his mind at this moment is death? 

deep down, soonyoung knows all of this will pass. a day will come when these thoughts will finally leave him alone and he can resume his life peacefully. but, strangely enough, the more he thinks about his future, the less appealing it sounds. soonyoung remembers, a few months ago, how he was so eager to get through all of this pain - how he was so determined that he can do this and that in the end of all this, he can look back and say, "i made it." 

but why doesn't it sound as exciting anymore? 

why is it, the more he tries to hold onto the reassurace that everything will be okay soon, the less he cares about it? 

even if he does get past all these problems, what's the point? what exactly is he doing this for? 

it feels like his heart has been carved out. everything to him just feels so...unappealing. it's like the lights in soonyoung's life are finally dimming, slowly shutting down and leaving him in complete darkness. 

and soonyoung doesn't ever want to admit it to anyone, but truly, he's scared. terrified, even. he's always had this fear of losing his reasons to live, of the day where everything just becomes too much all at once and every reason he has to keep going just suddenly slips away from his mind. is this what's happening to him? is he succumbing deeper into his negative thoughts? has suicide finally gotten total control of him? 

perhaps i'm just overthinking now, he concludes. but he knows for sure that something in him has definitely changed. for the better or for the worse, soonyoung couldn't tell. 

but despite all this, all these fears and worries gradually eating him away, despite all the scars he's hidden underneath his clothings, despite all the weight on his back trying to hold him down, he'll continue to stand and force a smile onto his face. 

because honestly, after being left alone here to comfort himself and dry his own tears, what more can he do?


End file.
